I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
