I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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