I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
