if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
