It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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