Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize