We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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