You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
