we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
