5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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