No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
