I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
