Umm I'm too high to move.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
