Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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