he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
