I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
