What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
