There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
