Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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