My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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