Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize