I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
