I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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