No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
