Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
