You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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