I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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