look no pants
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
