ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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