thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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