Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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