Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
