god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
