bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
