He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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