Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
