She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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