i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
