nut hugger
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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