dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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