Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I will pee on everything he values.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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