You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
