fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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