Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
