and you said cock pushups were impossible
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dick very happy bro
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
