The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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