just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
