Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize