I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh god the rape fog is back!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
