I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
