i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
