I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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