If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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