You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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