Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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