I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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