i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
