I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
