and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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