we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it's like iHOP with fire
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
