Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
