Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize