I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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