my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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