Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
