6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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