i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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