I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
