the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
