I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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