none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
