UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
