maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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