I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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