Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
