Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
